KARINA MARIANO // Montreal, Quebec, Canada

Mama Bear – Art is Where My Heart is

Art is where my heart is. Art gives me access to my soul. Art is life. 

I have been tormented in so many ways over the past ten years that I lost my ability to create. I was shot up full of hormones, hope and fear. Then I got pregnant. A heartbeat one week and none the next. Then blood and fear. Then pain, more blood, shame and despair. Love and rage.

My heart broke in so many pieces. My soul was crushed. I wasn’t able to look at it and make art with it, there was too much pain. I wanted to connect and share my love and insight, but in my search, I went off track and lost myself completely. 

The pandemic has forced me to slow down and reconnect with myself, and art is slowly trickling its way back. 

I can feel it now. The cry in my throat and the pain in my stomach. It’s both real and unreal. I’m here, I’m alive, I can breathe and I can write. 

Mama bear comes to me in my dreams at night. The first time, she was stuck in a dark hole in the ground. On the edge of that hole was her dead baby, tied to a rope. The hole was so small, she could barely move. Fear and distress overwhelmed her. She couldn’t look up or climb out. 

Art is where my heart is. Art gives me access to my soul. Art is my lifeline and there is always a way back home.

< Comforting, connecting >